We’ve got instant partners, calf massagers, nose reshapers, smile correctors and even ten-cent poetry!
Much like Mary Poppins’s carpetbag, Taobao is a magical space that allows you to retrieve anything you could possibly need or want. In some cases, this includes everything that you never even knew existed. Back in 2014, BBC found out that vendors on Taobao were renting out boyfriends just for the Chinese New Year. So we thought, why not revisit the site and bookmark a couple of things that just might come in handy in the future. Ready? Let’s go!
Oddest & Weirdest Things To Buy From Taobao To Singapore:
- Your Very Own Onsen
- Boots That Also Massage Your Calves
- Flatulence In A Bottle
- Smile Corrector
- Nose Reshaper
- English Vocabulary Toilet Paper
- Mona Lisa Fly Swatter
- Poetry For Sale
- Fish Slippers
- Virtual Boyfriend
1. Your Very Own Onsen
Dreaming of the onsens in snowy Japan? While a flight ticket and a ski vacation is out of the question, with Taobao’s help, the onsen could come over to you. Not only is this tub made of wood, there’s also a headrest and seat inbuilt — plus a drainage system at the base that does not leak! A happy reviewer even mentioned that they felt like they were in their very own spa!
Price: From ¥3580 (~S$755.60)
Get yours here.
2. Boots That Also Massage Your Calves
Picture this: You’re home after a long run and you’re yearning for a foot massage, but every parlour in the neighbourhood seems to be closed. You attempt to soothe the aches with your massage gun but to no avail. Enter: Taobao’s calf massagers. You may mistake them for footwear, but these boots aren’t made for walking. Instead, all you gotta do is slip them on and control it all from the comfort of your bed with a remote controller!
Price: From ¥499 (~S$105.30)
Get yours here.
3. Flatulence In A Bottle
No, there isn’t a genie in this bottle. Instead, you’ll find pungent liquified gas in this one. In the product’s description, the vendor even listed revenge as one of the many possible uses of this spray. Is this silly? Yes. Still, if it makes you and your friends laugh — why the heck not?
Price: From ¥18.80 (~S$4.00)
Get yours here.
4. Smile Corrector
Have you got Chandler Bing’s smile? Perhaps you freeze up every time you take a picture because you just can’t seem to shape your mouth into a photogenic angle. Well, fret not! Taobao’s got your back with this bite-sized smile corrector that will (forcefully) turn any frown into a smile. Oh, they’ve even flavoured each corrector to make the process a little sweeter.
Price: From ¥9.90 (~S$2.10)
Get yours here.
5. Nose Reshaper
No pain no gain? Think again! Instead of going straight for the knife, Taobao has come up with a less invasive solution for nose-reshaping. For less than S$4 a pop, you can pinch your way to getting Julia Roberts’ nose.
Price: From ¥18 (~S$3.80)
Get yours here.
6. English Vocabulary Toilet Paper
Here’s a cheaper solution to all your vocabulary woes. Grab a bunch of these rolls the next time you step onto the throne and you’ve got yourself a convenient toilet read! When you’re done, simply flush it all down the toilet and you’re ready for the next set.
Price: From ¥7.60 (~$1.60)
Get yours here.
7. Mona Lisa Fly Swatter
There’s now a reason to smile, even while we’re stuck indoors. Thanks to this fly swatter, you can enjoy a masterpiece and a pest-free zone! It even stands up on its own for easy grabbing, plus doubles up as decor on your side table.
Price: From ¥37.70 (~S$8.00)
Get yours here.
8. Poetry For Sale
Bookmark this vendor’s Taobao store for moments when words escape you. Think birthday cards, get-well-soon wishes, thank you notes and even condolences — at just 10 cents a poem, you’ll never have to deal with writer’s block again!
Price: From ¥0.50 (~S$0.10)
Get yours here.
9. Fish Slippers
Keep pool day fun with these fish slippers. Included in the stall’s description, the design concept revolves around the idea of a fresh fish gutted and deboned. So now you can slip your feet into a smooth base that is also anti-slip! Better yet, thanks to its gaping mouth, you can now show your latest pedicure. These slippers come in green, silver and red.
Price: From ¥8.70 (~S$1.80)
Get yours here.
10. A Virtual Boyfriend
Are you unable to find your soulmate because of the global lockdown? Perhaps you’re tired of being asked out on masked dates and risking the health of your loved ones back home. Lucky for you, Taobao stores are still providing virtual boyfriends online! According to China Marketing Insights, all you need to do is “type in “小哥哥” and contact the store of your choice for a price list of all their virtual boyfriends. Thereafter, take your pick of their boyfriends-for-rent based on their voices, proficiencies and, of course, availability.
The World is Your Oyster on Taobao
Retail therapy is a thing — so don’t feel too bad splashing some cash on things that may bring you joy. What’s not good is wasting cash on unnecessary bank fees! However, that can be avoided by checking out with your YouTrip Card and making full use of our attractive Wholesale Exchange Rates!
If you still haven’t gotten your free YouTrip card, use our special promo code <TAOBAO5> to sign up and receive a free S$5 in your account!
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*All currency conversion rates are accurate to nearest 10 cents on 23 Jul 2021 SGT 13:00. Bank card prices are calculated based on 3.25% foreign currency transaction fee.
Top banner image: Taobao
